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Monster Mash

10/01/2012 09:01AM ● Published by Style

Illustration by Aaron Roseli. © Style Media Group

Two monsters one night were talking

About the scariest way to scare,
How to fright and strike fear
In anyone near,
And cause people to leap from their chairs.

“I like to start with a sneer,” said one.
Said the other, “I like to start with a scowl.”
“I whip out my claws.”
“I snap with my jaws.”
And they agreed one always should growl.

One monster stood up on his hind legs,
To show how he towered overhead.
Broad-shouldered and tall,
Green scales and all,
He was good at bringing the dread.

The other lurched forward on all fours,
And swatted the air with his tail.
Then he reared back and bellowed,
And spit something yellow,
That smelled putrid and rancid and stale.

The first beast then flicked out his long tongue;
Like a towel it snapped through the room.
Disgusting and slimy,
And a little bit grimy,
It left the walls all covered in goo.

The second narrowed his one eye,
Which sat like a jewel on his forehead.
Then focusing in,
That horrible lens
Shot lightning that blew up a bed.

While the smoke cleared away they cackled,
And rolled on the floor with delight.
Their throaty guffaws
And pounding of paws,
Jangled the stars hung in the night.

Then suddenly they grew quite quiet
And held still, not twitching a tail.
A loud knock on their door –
Then three knocks once more.
Was it a monster hunter, hot on their trail?

No, it was something considerably less scary.
To them, anyway – but not you or me.
Because every grown monster
Once was a youngster,
And these two were still little, you see.

The ruckus they made was disturbing
Their parents one floor below;
With the thuds and the laughing,
And the booms and the cackling,
It was ruining Dad’s favorite TV show.

So their momma came stomping upstairs.
It was she who rapped with such clout:
“KNOCK IT OFF!” she bellowed.
And to make them more mellow,
She threatened them with a time-out.

Well, that was enough for our two little beasts,
Who sat smiling at the damage they’d caused:
Goo on the door,
A shattered bed on the floor,
Pillows destroyed by their claws.

And they both knew they needed a broom
Or maybe two; there was so much to sweep.
But such destruction is tiring
To a small monster’s wiring,
So instead...

They fell fast asleep.


Find more of Tom's Takes here, and make sure to catch Tom on the Pat and Tom Morning Show on New Country 105.1 or email him at tnvmailey@gmail.com.

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